What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs?
A pigtail!

Where do cows go on a Saturday night?
To the moo-vies!

If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk!

Why did the baby turkey bolt down his food?
Because he was a little gobbler!

Why did the starstruck chicken cross the road?
To see Gregory Peck!

What kind of tie does a pig wear?
Pig’s tie!

What is another name for a cow?
A lawn-mooer!

Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
Because she was afraid someone would caesar!

What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar!

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer’s soul the preacher asked the man, “Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?”

Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, “Naw, these are soybeans.”

“You don’t understand,” said the preacher. “Are you a Christian?”

With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, “Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here.”

The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, “Are you lost?”

“Naw! I’ve lived here all my life,” answered the farmer.

“Are you prepared for the resurrection?” the frustrated preacher asked.

This caught the farmer’s attention and he asked, “When’s it gonna be?”

Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, “It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day.” Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, “Well, don’t mention it to my wife. She don’t get out much and she’ll wanna go all three days.”

Q: How many alt.test readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One postmaster and 100 autoresponder mailbombs.

Q: How many alt.atheism readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to screw the bulb, one to prove that it exists anyway.

Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One screws in the lightbulb, but seven more do too, due to a software bug.

Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eleven. One to ask to be on the lightbulb gif mailing list, nine to say “ME TOO!”, and another to post a message asking for the intructions on how to view a lightbulb.

Q: How many IRC chatters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They’re so busy saying hello, goodbye, and kicking each other off that no one ever has enough time to get anything done !

Q: How many humor theorists does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
A: 300–one to change the bulb and 299 to analyze it to death.

Q: How many netters does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
A: 2, 1 to do it and 1 to read this huge file first to check it hasn’t been done already !

Q: How many netters does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
A: 1000 - One to invent the joke and 999 to submit “How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, that’s a hardware problem.”

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?”

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, “This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?”