O Come All Ye Gases

O Come all yea gases
diatomic wonders
O come yea, o come yea
calls Avogadro.

O come yea in moles
6 x 10 to the 23rd
O molar mass and molecules
O volume, pressure and temperature
O molar volume of gases at S.T.P.

I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

I won’t rise to the occasion, but I’ll slide over to it.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

Okay, who put a “stop payment” on my reality check?

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.

There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.”

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Marvin!
Marvin who?
Marvin I wonderful!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mary!
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mata!
Mata who?
Mata of life and death!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Matthew!
Matthew who?
Matthew is pinthing my foot!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Maura!
Maura who?
The Maura the merrier!

Steve is reassembling Elvis’ brain and can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name…