1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.

2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.

3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.

4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.

5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.

6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida’s Mascot.

7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.

8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you’re suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.

9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.

10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!

Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan are in a boat in the Potomac, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life preserver jacket.

Bill says: “Let’s do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life preserver.” They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Bush and Reagan get one vote each; Clinton gets six.

Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because chickens hadn’t evolved yet

Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station

Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck to the chicken!

Q: Why did the horse cross the road?
A: Because the chicken needed a day off

Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: To get to the udder side!

Q: Why did the chicken end up in the soup?
A: Because it ran out of cluck!

Q: What happened when the chicken ate cement?
A: She laid a sidewalk!

Q: What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken?
A: She kicked the bucket!

Q: What do you call a crazy chicken?
A: A cuckoo cluck!

Q: What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way?
A: She was tickled to death!

You might be a reneck if…

Duct tape and wire are the only two things holding your truck together.

Your bumper sticker reads “If you’re missing your cat, look in my treads. ”

You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.

You’ve ever parked your date next to a YIELD sign hoping she’d take the hint.

Your kids learned to shoot before they learned to walk.

You place a classified asking less than $1.

You think the freeway is the back door of the movie theater.

Higher math means counting over 10.

The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.

You have a lucky rabbit’s foot in your pocket and a lucky rabbit nailed above your fireplace.