Hello, this is Marlin’s answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks.
When Fishermen Meet
“Hiyamac”
“Lobuddy”
“Binearlong?”
“Coplours”
“Cetchenny?”
“Goddafew”
“Kindarthay?”
“Bassencarp”
“Ennysizetoom?”
“Couplapowns”
“Hittinhard?”
“Sordalike”
“Wachoosen?”
“Gobbawurms”
“Fishanonaboddum?”
“Rydononaboddum”
“Whatchadrinkin?”
“Jugajimbeam”
“Igoddago”
“Tubad”
“Seeyaroun”
“Yeahtakideezy”
“Guluck”
An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.
“Your workers, they’re escaping!” cries the visitor. “You’ve got to stop them.”
“Don’t worry, they’ll be back,” says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o’clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, “Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?”
“Forget the machines,” says the visitor. “How much do you want for that whistle?”
The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him.
“Name?”
“Brendan O’Connor.”
“Same as mine. Where are you from?”
“County Cork.”
“Same as me……”
The policeman paused with his pen in the air.
“Hold on a moment and I’ll come back and talk about the old county. I want to say something to this fella that ran into the back of your cab.”
The origin of the bagpipes was being discussed and the representatives of different nations were eagerly disclaiming responsibility for the instrument.
Finally, and Irishman said, “Well, I’ll tell you the truth about it. The Irish invented them and sold them to the Scots as a joke; and the Scots haven’t seen the joke yet!”
A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, “I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass.”
The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn’t even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, “Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?”
The man answers, “Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar.”
It’s So Easy
(Tune, It’s so Easy)
It’s with Cesium I’m in love!
It’s with Cesium I’m in love!
People say that I’m a fool,
When I take my Cesium into the pool.
And it’s so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yes it’s so easy,
Where my love’s concerned,
To get myself burned.
But it’s with Cesium I’m in love,
It’s with Cesium I’m in love!
I look into her flame and see,
A sky-blue light floodin’ over me.
Though it’s so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yeah it’s so easy,
When she’s concerned,
To get myself burned.
Still it’s with Cesium I’m in love,
It’s with Cesium I’m in love!
—Songs of Cesium #87