DURING a readiness exercise, my friend Jim and I, Air Force security policemen, were guarding entry to a bunker-like structure where aircrafts were kept.

When a pilot about to do a preflight check approached without his identification in plain view, Jim asked him for it.

“I don’t see why I have to show you my ID,” the pilot snapped. “After all, it is my plane.”

“Sir, with all due respect, it may be your plane,” replied Jim, “but it’s sitting in my garage!”

(True story)

A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.

On the paper there was a single line which simply said: “Is this a question?” - Discuss.

After a short time he wrote: “If that is a question, then this is an answer.”

The student received an “A” on the exam.

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”

Answer… “They’re Carol’s.”

(Chekov’s voice:) Oh Keptin! It was Khan! He made us do things… Say things we did not vant to say… But we vere strong, Keptin! Ve held out until ve heard the beep…

Log on - Adding a log to your wood stove

Log off - Don’t add a log to your wood stove

Monitor - Keep an eye on the wood stove

Megahertz - When a big log drops on your bare foot in the morning

Floppy disk - What you get from piling too much wood into your wood stove

Ram - The hydraulic machine that makes the woodsplitter work

Drive - Getting home during most of the winter to your wood stove

Hard drive - Trying to get home during a heavy snow storm

Prompt - What you wish the mail was during the snow season

Enter - Come on in

Windows - What you must shut when the temperature hits 10 below

Screen - What is a must during black fly season

Chip - What you munch during a football games

Microchip - What’s left in the bag when the normal chips are gone

Modem - What you did to your fields last July

Dot Matrix - Eino Matrix’s wife

Laptop - Where the grandkids sit

Keyboard - Where you’re supposed to put the keys so the wife can find them

Software - Plastic picnic utensils

Mouse - What leaves those little turds in the cupboard

Mainframe - The part of the house that holds up the roof

Port - Where the commercial fishing boats dock

Random Access Memory - When you can’t remember how much you spent on the new deer rifle when wife asks about it

I just got a car phone. I’m not here at the moment. Leave me a message and I’ll call you when I’m out.