New Summer Seminars for Women

The Auto Hood Release, What Is It And Why Is It There

Life Beyond Shoes

Money, The Non-Renewable Resource

How To Get 90 Minutes Out Of An Hour

Why Men Don’t Like Any Of Your Friends

How To Be A Victim Of Marketing

How To Get Out Of Bed Without Waking Up Your Man

Is There Really Enough Makeup In The World

How To Get The Most Out Of A Garbage Bag

Cigar Smoke And Its Benefits

Clocks And Time: The Mysterious Connection

Tupperware: Its Social And Environmental Drawbacks

Where To Look When Your Auto Is In Reverse

Learning When Not To Talk, And Then Not Talking

How To Avoid Turning Into Your Mother

Quality Time: When You And Your Husband Should Spend Time Apart

Beyond The Front Page: Exploring The Daily Newspaper

How To Accept Criticism or When To Give Up On Cooking

Telltales Sounds Associated With Auto Collisions

Toilet Paper And The Loss Of The Rain Forests: The Vital Connection

When Ignorance Can Be A Blessing: Household Finances And You

How To Keep ‘Em Guessing, or: 101 Ways To Fold A Towel

Talking And Driving: There’s Got To Be A Way

A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.

Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.

Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.

Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.

Man: And the bad news?

Doctor: You have Alzheimer’s disease.

Man: That’s great. I was afraid I had cancer!

Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.
So what’s so great about that?
It’s snowing outside!

An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!

Where did all the cuts and blood come from?
The school went on a trip!

What’s the worst thing you’re likely to find in the school cafeteria?
The food!

The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole.

Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.

“Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?” inquired the officer.

“Mister,” exclaimed the telephone lineman, “I was at the top of the pole!”

The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed. The new number is 226-0477. (Yes, same number.) Please make a note of it.

OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal

OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick

OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away

OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just smell that way

OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do

OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away

OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in

OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper

OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded

OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks

OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke

OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off

OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL

OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding

OLD TAPE DISPENSERS never die, they just get used up

(Chekov’s voice:) Oh Keptin! It was Khan! He made us do things… Say things we did not vant to say… But we vere strong, Keptin! Ve held out until ve heard the beep…

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear

1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight

1. All dogs are animals
2. All cats are animals
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats

1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant