1. BadAir: When you just can’t wait for the world to come to you.

2. BadAir: We’re Amtrak with wings.

3. Join our frequent near-miss program.

4. On flights, every section is a smoking section.

5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements.

6. Our staff has had lots of experience counseling next-of-kin.

7. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don’t worry. We’ll turn them off.

8. Complimentary champagne during free-fall.

9. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.

10. The kids will love our inflatable slides.

11. If you think it’s so easy, get your own plane!

12. Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?

13. Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.

14. BadAir: We may be landing on your street.

15. BadAir: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.

16. Bring a bathing suit.

17. Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.

18. That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots.

19. Fly BadAir and enjoy a free two-week hospital stay on us.

20. BadAir: A real man lands where he wants to.

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.

The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?”

The sarge replied, “He’s in Georgia now. They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”

There was once a very influential farmer in a remote part of China, who had a problem. His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. H sought the counsel of the two wise men in town, Hing, who was scientist, and Ming, who was a sorcerer.

Hing, who has had man advanced course hours in poultry science, consults the classic text in poultry disease, “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask.” In the book Hing finds a reference to the report of a study showing that feeding the chickens with an infusion of gum tree leaves is often a remedy for chickens losing their feathers. Meanwhile Ming reads obscure writings of ancient wise men, he meditates, and he reads tarot cards and examines the entrails of a pig. Getting no inspiration he uses his old standby, reading tea leaves. In a spark of discovery, it comes to him that an infusion of gum tree leaves is the cure.

So the two wise men report back to the influential Chinese farmer. Ming says, “As gum sticks to tables and chairs, so shall an infusion of gum tree leaves make feathers stick to chickens.” Hing agrees, saying “Studies show that infusions of gum tree leaves alleviate feather loss in chickens.” The influential Chinese farmer is ecstatic, for the two wisest men in town are of a single mind. He decides to follow their recommendation. It does not work.

Moral of the Story: “All of Hing’s courses and all of Ming’ ken couldn’t get gum tea to feather a hen.”

Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big.

Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in!

Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?

Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.

Mommy, Mommy! Why can’t we give Dad a decent burial?

Shut up and keep flushing.

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy’s on fire!

Shut up and get the marshmallows!

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy fell in the campfire!

Shut up and get the barbecue sauce!

You might be a redneck if…

You’ve ever worn shorts to a funeral home.

You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.

You’ve ever bought a used cap.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You’ve ever used a weedeater indoors.

Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right’.

You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Four teenagers were arrested in the parking lot of a large mall in Lakeland, Fla., just before Christmas when, attempting to steal an automobile at random, they tried to break into a police van containing three officers on a stakeout.

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Dumb North Dakota Laws
Beer and pretzels can’t be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
It is legal to shoot an Indian on horseback, provided you are in a covered wagon
Fargo
One may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place.

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many.

Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, “SPEED TRAP AHEAD”.

The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted “TIPS” and a bucket of change.