Top 10 Reasons To Live in British Columbia, Canada
1.Weed

2.Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges

3.The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder

4.The local wine doesn’t taste like malt vinegar

5.Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown

6.A university with a nude beach

7.You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations

8.If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash

9.There’s always some sort of deforestation protest going on

10.Cannabis

Top NFL Complaints

After shooting the blank gun to end the half, the Dallas Cowboy players start shooting back with live ammunition.

Calling “heads or tails” but never getting any. . . “head” or “tail”.

Players get “the wave”. . . refs get “the finger”.

Anyone who makes a call against the Detroit Lions risks pissing off their last remaining fan.

With Reggie White retired, the penalty for “Illegal use of a racial slur” is meaningless.

Just when we thought it was safe to be an NFL Ref, we have to go back to frickin’ CLEVELAND!!!

Thanks to instant replay, picking nose during a game is twice as risky.

Everyone else gets to wear their Autumn colors, but for me it’s black and white week after week after week!

Don King only bribes boxing judges.

Official rule books not made in Braille.

I’m the one that everybody wants to kill, so where’s MY helmet and pads?!

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Monday, December 7, 1992

Joe Albert Ruiz, 19, was arrested in Santa Maria in September. Police said he had broken into a car in the middle of the night and was in the trunk, disconnecting the rear speakers, when the trunk closed and locked him in.

Neighbors reported strange noises, and a police officer called to the scene heard Ruiz banging on the trunk and yelling, “Let me out!”

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Wednesday, October 21, 1992

In Annandale, Va., two armed men rushed the front door of First American Bank just after manager Dwight Smith opened up.

Unknown to the men, the door had locked automatically behind Smith.

The first robber bounced off the door hitting the second man.

They escaped in their van and have not been captured.

It’s a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they’d just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.

When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, “What for?” I said, “I’m going to buy some sugar.”

I saw a bank that said “24 Hour Banking”, but I don’t have that much time.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings . . . Boy With Pail . . . Kitten On Fire.

One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.

Last time I went to the movies I was thrown out for bringing my own food. My argument was that the concession stand prices are outrageous. Besides, I haven’t had a Bar-B-Que in a long time.

One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab. The movie cost me $95.

Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper?
He had his own frog horn!

Where do you get frogs eggs?
At the spawn shop!

What’s a toads favorite sweet?
Lollihops!

What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent!

How did the toad die?
He simply croaked!

Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom!

What do you say to a hitchhiking frog?
Hop in!

What kind of tiles can’t you stick on walls?
Reptiles!