Boucher’s Observation: He who blows his own horn always plays the music several octaves higher than originally written.

Bove’s Theorem: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

Boyle’s Laws: (1) The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination. (2) When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment detrimentally. (3) The deficiency will never show itself during the dry runs. (4) Information travels more surely to those with a lessor need to know. (5) An original idea can never emerge from committee in the original. (6) When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly. (7) The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by the paper clip of the overlying correspondence and go to file. (8) Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan. (9) Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects. (10) If not controlled, work will to the competent man until he submerges. (11) The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting. (12) Talent in staff work or sales will recurringly be interrupted as managerial ability. (13) The “think positive” leader tends to listen to his subordinates’ premonitions only during the postmortems. (14) Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple interpretations. (15) On successive charts of the same organization the number of boxes will never decrease. - Charles P. Boyle, Goddard Space Flight Center, NASA

Bradley’s Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee; that will do them in.

Brady’s First Law of Problem Solving: When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?”

Brien’s First Law: At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.

Brilliant’s Law Of Limited Ambition: If you can’t learn how to do it well, learn how to enjoy doing it poorly.

Brilliant’s Observation On Modern Art: Not all our artists are playing a joke on the public. Some are genuinely mad.

You might be a redneck if…

The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.

Your car has never had a full tank of gas.

Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

You’ve ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

You might be a redneck if…

Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

You take a fishing pole to Sea World.

The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You’ve ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

You’ve ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You think mud rasslin’ should be an Olympic sport.

The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

Q: How many alt.anagrams readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to say it can’t be done because there aren’t enough vowels, one to be clever and change “a lightbulb” into “bull bit hag”, and one to try and sell copies of the “Anagram for Windows” program he wrote.

Q: How many alt.fan.pratchett readers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to actually change the bulb, one to write amusing footnotes about it, one to propose to Laura, and a newbie to ask if that’s really THE Terry Or colette or both, and then to realise that the speed of light can’t be measured, except in badgers, or possibly multiple of pi, then to say sod it and ask if anyone knows where to find the lyrics for the hedgehog song…

Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It depends on the way the bulb is threaded.

Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two-fifty.

Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to be dying of cancer and request that everybody around the world send him light bulbs so he can get into the Guinness Book of World Records.

Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, who’ll do it for food.

Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to have a drink with a strange woman in a bar and pass out, wake up three days later in a seedy hotel room, find a scar on his back, and realize where the light bulb went.

Q: How many Mensans does it take to screw in a litebulb?
A: None. They know that litebulb is misspelled and therefore cannot exist to be screwed in. Now of course, if it were a Miller Lite bulb…

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.

“I can’t take your money,” said the first guy. “I cheated you. The same story was on the five o’clock news.” “No, no. Take it,” said the second guy. “I saw the five o’clock news too. I just didn’t think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!”

Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.

Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
Signs are required to be written in English.

You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by “fighting” words.

No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.

It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.

Acworth
All citizens must own a rake.

Atlanta
Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

One man may not be on another man’s back.

Columbus
Can’t cut off a chicken’s head on Sunday.
It is illegal to carry a chicken by it’s feet down Broadway on Sunday.

Gainesville
Chicken must be eaten with the hands.

Jonesboro
It is illegal to say “Oh, Boy”

Kennesaw
Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.

Marietta
Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.

St. Mary’s
No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.

Quitman
Cars are not to drive on sidewalks.

It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.

Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.

As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying “Disney World Left!”

After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said “Oh well!” and started driving back home.