Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: How do you change a blonde’s mind?
A: Blow in her ear.

Q: How do you measure a blonde’s intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.

“What’s the matter?” grumbled the boss. “Haven’t you got a sense of humor?”

“I don’t have to laugh,” she replied. “I’m leaving Friday.”

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter.”

Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.

God got mad and said. “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, Learn from him!” Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?

The man said, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”

“The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. You’re gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the middle man.” - Jay Leno

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn’t put it down?

What’s the formula for water? -H-two-O What’s the formula for an ice cube? -H-two-O-CUBED

Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2?A: Oxymoron

The best chemists would definitely not be pet owners.
Their idea of a catalyst:
2 bags of cat litter3 cans of cat food1 can of flea powder1 collar

Q: How do you get lean molecules?A:Feed them titrations.

Q: And why does a white bear melt in water?A: Because it’s polar.

Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory?His business went insolvent.

Q: What’s the most important thing to learn in chemistry?A: Never lick the spoon.