Top Twenty New Slogans for Valuejet Airlines

ValueJet: When you just can’t wait for the world to come to you.

ValueJet: We’re Amtrak with wings.

Join our frequent near-miss program.

On flights, every section is a smoking section.

Ask about our out-of-court settlements.

Our staff has had lots of experience consoling next-of-kin.

Are our jet engines too noisy? Don’t worry. We’ll turn them off.

Complimentary champagne during free-fall.

Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.

The kids will love our inflatable slides.

You think it’s so easy, get your own plane!

Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?

Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.

ValueJet: We may be landing on your street.

ValueJet: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.

Bring a bathing suit.

Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.

That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots.

Fly ValueJet. Find out there really is a God.

ValueJet: A real man lands where he wants to.

Why did the spider buy a car?
So he could take it out for a spin!

What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall!

What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!

Why are spiders good swimmers?
They have webbed feet!

How do you spot a modern spider?
He doesn’t have a web he had a website!

What are spiders webs good for?
Spiders!

What kind of doctors are like spiders?
Spin doctors!

What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?
I’m not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!

What did the spider say to the fly?
We’re getting married do you want to come to the webbing?

What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad?
It became a daddy short legs!