Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m a snake about to shed it’s skin.
Why don’t you go behind the screen and slip into something more comfortable then!

Doctor: You need new glasses
Patient: How do you know?, I haven’t told you whats wrong with me yet
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window!

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a snail
Don’t worry we’ll soon have you out of your shell!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like an apple.
We must get to the core of this!

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a butterfly
Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about!

Doctor, Doctor I’m boiling up!
Just simmer down!

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m an adder
Great, can you help me with my accounts then please!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hoffman!
Hoffman who?
I’ll Hoffman, I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Holland!
Holland who?
Holland you going to make me wait out here!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hollis!
Hollis who?
Hollis forgiven, come back home!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Holly!
Holly who?
Hollylujah!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Homer!
Homer who?
Homer-again!

It’s a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”?

Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Darnell Madison, 37, was shot and killed in July in Homewood, Ala., when he burst into a motel room intending to rob the seven men whom he had seen with a wad of money. He was unaware they were armed police officers working on another case.

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply.

The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”

“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.

The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”

“Of course,” replies the second man.

I’m curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”

“Dublin,” comes the reply.

“I can’t believe it,” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”

“Of course,” replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?”

“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man, “I graduated in ‘62.”

“This is unbelievable!”, the first man says. “I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ‘62, too!”

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. “What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.

“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Kinly twins are drunk again.”

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!”

Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, am I driving?”