Q: What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A: A blonde at a blinking red light.

Q: Did you hear about Pepsi’s new soda just for blondes?
A: It has “open other end” printed on the bottom.

Q: Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
A: They’re refuelling.

Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
A: She didn’t want one for nights.

Q: What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
A: Her husband is out looking for the other man.

Q: Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?
A: She was last years hide and seek winner.

Q: What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water?
A: A blonde trying to put it out.

Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.

Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the cherry tree!

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!

What’s the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?
One is a weak one and the other one week!

What pill would you give to an elephant that can’t sleep?
Trunkquilizers!

Why are elephants grey?
So you can tell them from flamingos!

Elephant Keeper: “My Elephant isn’t well, do you know a good animal doctor?”
Zoo Keeper: “No, all the doctors I know are people!”

Why do elephants scratch themselves?
Because they’re the only ones who know where they itch!

How does an elephant get down from a tree?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!

How do you know that peanuts are fattening?
Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?

Someone stole our phone. So if you leave a message we’ll run over to a neighbor’s house and use their phone to call you back.

(Darth Vader voice:) Speak, worm!

Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Joey-Jim asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” he replied with relief. “I thought I’d gone deaf!”

Pat and Jimmy-Joe met and one said to the other,

“Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?”

Pat said, “Well, I have and I haven’t.”

His friend asked, “Shure, and what d’ye mean by that?”

Pat said, “It’s like this, y’see…I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another…it was neither of us.”

Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?

Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the “Vacant” sign up?

Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.–Mentally Deficient?

Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?

Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn’t get taller girls?

Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?

Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total”, says the Genie.

The Scottish guy says, “I am a fisherman, my Dad’s a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity.” So, with a blink of the Genie’s eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity.”

Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.

The Irishman asks, “I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.” The Genie explains, “well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out.”

The Irishman says, “Fill it up with water.”

Jimmy-Joe acquired an injury whilst tap dancing. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.