This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.

Hi. This is John’s answering machine. He’s not here, but I’m open to suggestions.

How to be Politically Correct when talking about Men (Or Army Men)

He does not have a beer gut…

He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.(regular guys)

He has a personal war reserve stock.(army guys)

He is not quiet…

He is a Conversational Minimalist.

He is a SAMS grad.

He is not stupid…

He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.

He is a field grade.

He does not get lost all the time…

He discovers Alternative Destinations.

He gets temporarily misoriented.

He is not balding…

He is in Follicle Regression.

He has a REALLY squared away high and tight.

He is not a cradle robber…

He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.

He is breaking the new fraternization policies.

He does not get falling-down drunk…

He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.

He practices his IMTs in the club.

He is not short…

He is Anatomically Compact.

He suffers from a Napoleon Complex.

He does not have a rich daddy…

He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion.

He has the Army as a hobby.

He does not constantly talk about cars…

He has a Vehicular Addiction.

He must be a Transporter.

He does not have a hot body…

He is Physically Combustible.

He is a PT stud.

He is not unsophisticated…

He is Socially Challenged.

He is a Ranger.

He does not eat like a pig…

He suffers from Reverse Bulimia.

He eats like a Ranger student at Pizza Hut.

He is not a bad dancer…

He is Overly Caucasian.

He is from the Muddy Boots Army.

He does not hog the blankets…

He is Thermally Unappreciative.

He is a Blue Falcon.

He is not a male chauvinist pig…

He has Swine Empathy.

He must be combat arms.

He is not afraid of commitment…

He is Monogamously Challenged.

He loves TDY.

Bill Clinton Nicknames

McPresident
Dollar Bill
The Bill we’ll be paying for years
Commander-in-thief
Hillary Rodham
the Great Pretender
Willy the Weasel

Hillary Clinton nicknames

Wicked witch of the west wing
Hilla the Hun
Robbery Hillham

When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be illegible.

When someone says this is as bad as it can get, don’t bet on it.

When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.

When you don’t have an education, you’ve got to use your brains.

When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight.

When the going gets tough, the smart get sneaky.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly.

When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad.

When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment detrimentally.

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked the officers arm is “Your Passionate” They drove awhile longer and asked again, again the same response as she stroked his arm “Your Passionate”. The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, Look we have driven around this City for two hours and you still haven’t told us where you live. She replied I keep trying to tell you: “Your Passin It!”