1. Be thankful you haven’t been spammed!

2. Be thankful your computer isn’t down!

3. Be thankful your favorite forum isn’t down!

4. Be thankful you don’t have The Good Times virus!

5. Be thankful your server isn’t down!

6. Be thankful for a vast selection of Web sites to browse!

7. Be thankful no one knows who you really are!

8. Be thankful someone sent you a cyber sundae, and you didn’t gain a pound!

9. Be thankful your 28 year old cyberfriend really isn’t 72!

10. Be thankful for a fast Internet connnection!

11. Be thankful no one sent you a cyber voo-doo doll!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wafer!
Wafer who?
Wafer a long time but now I’m back!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wah!
Wah who?
Well you don’t have to get so excited about it!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Waiter!
Waiter who?
Waiter I get my hands on you!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wallace!
Wallace who?
Wallace saying nasy things about you!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Walnuts!
Walnuts who?
Walnuts around here!

A ghost joke
How do undertakers speak?
Gravely!

A vampire joke
What do vampires think of blood transfusions?
Newfangled rubbish!

A ghost joke
What did the polite ghost say to her son?
Don’t spook until your spooken to!

A ghost joke
What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Ghoulash!

A cannibal joke
What happened if you upset a cannibal?
You get into hot water!

A cannibal joke
Why don’t cannibals like to eat Carl Lewis?
He gives them runs!

A ghost joke
What do ghouls do when they’re in hospital?
They talk about their apparitions!

It is illegal to gargle in public places.

It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.”

New Orleans
It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.

You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.

There were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking along together in the desert, when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave.

He stopped and hollered into the cave… “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” and then listened very closely until he heard the answer…”Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave.

The Polish fellow was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was that Indian goofy or something.

“No”, said the other Indian. “It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!”, and get an answer back, that means that she is in there waiting for you.

Well, just about that time, the other Indian saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” When he heard the return, “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!”, off came the clothes and into the cave he goes.

The Polack started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw this great big cave.

As he looked in amazement, he was thinking, “Man! Look at the size of that cave! It’s bigger then the ones that those Indians found. There must really be something really great in this cave!”

Well… he took-off up the hill at a super fast speed. He got in front of the cave and hollered, “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of, “WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and, with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave.

The next day in the newspaper the head lines read, Naked Polack Run Over By Freight Train!!

Quote from a recent meeting: “We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done”.

Quote from the Boss… “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.”

A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: “We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired.”

My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That’s because it’s unfamiliar territory.

My Boss said to me ” What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.

My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.

I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too … but at least I respect him.

He’s given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE.

Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it.

Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution: ” I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!”

HR Manager to job candidate “I see you’ve had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you’re under-qualified for our entry level positions.”

Quote from telephone inquiry “We’re only hiring one summer intern this year and we won’t start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss’ daughter finishes her summer classes.