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An American will say, “Hot day!” A Canadian will say, “Hot day, eh?” meaning “It’s a hot day, isn’t it?”

This is something deeper than spelling or pronunciation. It goes to the heart of the less-assertive Canadian character. The United States was born when Americans revolted against King George III and asserted their independence. Canada never came to a similar point of self-assertion and that little word “eh?” is their refusal even to assert that it’s a hot day without inviting somebody else to verify it.

One definition of a Candian is “a North American who refuses to join the revolution”.

Another way to tell the difference between a Canadian and an American is to invite the suspected Canuck to lunch and watch him eat. If he’s really upper crust, he’ll eat like an Englishman, with knife and fork held firmly in his right and left hands. He’ll cut with his knife, pack the results on the back of his fork and convey the food to his mouth with the fork still in this left hand.

Many an American eats with knife and fork, too, but in a different way. He takes the knife in his right hand and the fork in his left to cut up the food. Then he puts the knife down and takes the fork in the right hand to convey the food to his mouth.

A common garden-variety Canadian does the job differently. He doesn’t use his knife at all, except for particularly stubborn steaks and other such tough foods. Instead he takes the fork in his right hand and leaves the knife beside his plate. Then he cuts the food with the edge of the fork and feeds himself with the fork held in the same hand.

But suppose all these tests are inconclusive. There’s one more, rather dangerous, way to tell a Canadian from an American. Just remark to the suspect that Canadians and Americans are so much alike that it’s hard to tell one from the other. If the person involved is an American, he’ll probably agree.

But if he’s a Canadian he’ll let you know, in no unterms, that you’re wrong. And that stubborn sense of difference is one main reason why the two countries, despite similarities, remain separate.

(I’m pretty sure I agree with the last statement, but I’m not too sure if I like being called a wimp that doesn’t even dare to assert that it’s a hot day. (Which it is today.) And I’m tremendously relieved to know that I’m upper crust when it comes to eating. -KO)

You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we’ll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day.

A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance.

But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why !

The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words :

Psycho-
the-
rapist.

Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon?
Because he was dead!

What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old?
A year older on his birthday!

An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to add to your already heavy workload.

An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: My little sister ate it!

Bad timing for an excuse
Teacher: Why were you late?
Pupil: Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
Teacher: It’s three in the afternoon!

An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked

Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None: Why should I bother? It’s probably just going to burn out again tomorrow anyway.

Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy so…

Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: A hundred, but they’ll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.

Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Like, why don’t you just get out of my face and stop asking me to do all your work for you ? I’m, like, really totally sick and tired of you asking me questions.

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Huh? The light’s out?

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: What lightbulb?

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None: They concern themselves with inner light.

Q: How many Arians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: Arians aren’t afraid of the dark.