It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Mediocrity thrives on standardization.

Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.

The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.

Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.

Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post?
A: A goal post that can’t march.

Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he’ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost?
A: A goalpost that can’t march.

Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.

Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
A: “Hi. I did that piece in junior high.”

Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he’ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section?
A: Have them miss every other note.

Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a ‘57 Chevy?
A: You can tune a ‘57 Chevy.

Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
A: “Hi. I played that last year.”

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Amos!
Amos who?
Amosquito just bit me!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Amy!
Amy who?
Amy fraid I’ve forgotten!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Andrew!
Andrew who?
Andrew a picture!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Andy!
Andy who?
Andy mosquito bit me again!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Anita!
Anita who?
Anita you like I need a hole in the head!

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, “Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn’t dance a single step!”

“So?” asked the ducks former owner, “did you remember to light the candle under the pot?”

Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Your honor.

Q: What do you call a judge gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: Have you heard about the lawyers

A patient walks into a doctor’s office.

Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.

Doctor: Next!

Baxter Conners
Vice President
Company 203
203 Wall St.
New York, NY 10015

Dear Mr. Conners,

Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your bank.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Company 203’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.

Sincerely,
XXXXXXXX