A math joke
If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?
None, they were all copycats!

A history joke
What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy’s tomb indicate?
The registration of the car that ran him over!

Father: How do you like going to school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I’m not too keen on the time in-between!

A history joke
Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
The second one!

A math joke
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At once!

Oregon: Spotted Owl … It’s What’s For Dinner

Dumb Oregon Laws
Dishes must drip dry.
The “Peer Review Statute” prohibits you from finding out details of any written or oral discussion about your medical treatment. Not even a court of law can. All you can access is what the doctor or nurse voluntarily records in your chart.
It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays.
You may not pump your own gas in service stations.
One may not bathe without wearing “suitable clothing,” i.e.,that which covers one’s body from neck to knee.
Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
Beaverton
You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm.
Eugene
It is illegal to show movies or attend a car race on Sundays. (Repealed in the 1970s)
It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert.
Hood River
Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license.
Klamath Falls
It’s illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snakes head off with your cane.
Portland
It’s against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink. (Repealed in 1989)
People may not whistle underwater.
You cannot wear roller skates in restrooms.
Marion
Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon.
Myrtle Creek
One may not box with a kangaroo.
Salem
Women may not wrestle in Salem.
Springfield
It is illegal to own a reptile within the city limits, unless you are a school or city, as a pet.
Stanfield
Cloth towel dispensers are banned from restrooms.
No more than two people may share a single drink.

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!

What’s tennis players favourite city?
Volley wood!

How does a physicist exercise?
By pumping ion!

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
Because education pays off in the long run!

What is a runner’s favourite subject in school?
Jog-raphy!

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
Ince pies!

What does a footballer and a magician have in common?
Both do hat tricks!

Which football team loves ice-cream?
Aston Vanilla!

A wizard joke
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!

A wizard joke
What kinds of wizards have their eyes closest together?
The smallest ones!

A wizard joke
Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath!

A wizard joke
What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?
The police made him bring it back again!

A witch joke
Why do witches only ride their brooms after dark?
That’s the time to go to sweep!

A wizard joke
What happened when the wizard met the witch?
It was love at first fright!

A witch joke
When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
When your a mouse!

A wizard joke
How do you keep a wizard in suspense?
I’ll tell you tomorrow…!

(Darth Vader voice:) Speak, worm!

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Inverness, FL

A 71-yearl-old man fell off a dock and into the jaws of an alligator but said his knowledge of reptiles, gained from watching wildlife programs on television, helped him escape.

“I wasn’t a bit afraid. I knew what they usually do,” said George Blinn, who got away from the 7-foot gator by jabbing his thumb in its eye.

Blinn said he has long been a fan of such programs as Wild Kingdom and knew about alligators’ general behavior.

He got the chance to use that knowledge when he fell into the canal behind his house. Blinn said the alligator bit him on the left hand and then flopped him over in the water three times before Blinn escaped.

Q: How many folk-dancers does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Just one, but they break a lot of bulbs, when they drop everything to get onto the dance-floor when they hear the introduction to a dance they want to do.

Q: How many square dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four, and you have to walk them through it a few times.

Q: How many square dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Eight. Square dancers do everything in groups of eight.

Q: How many Techno dancers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six, one to wear it around the neck, one to bring ecstasy and give it to the dancer to distract him, one to steal the light bulb while the dancer is distracted and dazed from ecstasy, three to distract the remaining crowd so they will not try to grab the bulb.

Q: How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they don’t get up that high.

Q: How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Sixty. One to change the bulb and fifty-nine to talk about how much better Michael Brecker would have done it.

Q: How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he has to go through a whole box to find just the right one.

Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to handle the bulb, and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would’ve done it.