On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

Windows 95 for my PC

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC

On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC

On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC

On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC

On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

6 ints conflictin’
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC

On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

7 files missin’
6 ints conflictin’
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC

On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

8 Megs overflowin’
7 files missin’
6 ints conflictin’
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC

On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

9 apps a crashin’
8 megs overflowin’
7 files missin’
6 ints conflictin’
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC

On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin’
8 Megs overflowin’
7 files missin’
6 ints conflictin’
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC

On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

11 instructions faulty
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin’
8 Megs overflowin’
7 files missin’
6 ints conflictin’
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

12 illegal operations
11 instructions faulty
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin’
8 Megs overflowin’
7 files missin’
6 ints conflictin’
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

A penny saved is ridiculous.

All that glitters has a high refractive index.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Anarchy is better than no government at all.

Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.

Death is life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.

Ten Things A Cat Thinks About

I could have sworn I heard the can opener.

Is there something I’m not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?

Why doesn’t the government do something about dogs?

I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?

Hmmm … If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can’t we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?

This looks like a good spot for a nap.

Hey — no kidding, I’m sure that’s the can opener.

Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn’t given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?

If there’s a God, how can He allow neutering?

If that really was the can opener, I’ll play finicky just to let THEM know who’s boss!

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says the beaming boy to his father.

“Nope,” comes dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me all these years.”

Doctor, Doctor, I can’t get to sleep.
Sit on the edge of the bed and you’ll soon drop off.

Doctor, Doctor You’ve got to help me - I just can’t stop my hands shaking
Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m a woodworm
How boring for you!

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a bridge
What’s come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m an electric eel
That’s shocking!

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a python
You can’t get round me just like that you know!