Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Theresa!
Theresa who?
Theresa fly in my soup!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Therese!
Therese who?
Therese many a slip twixt the cup and the lip!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Thermos!
Thermos who?
Thermos be a better way!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Theron!
Theron who?
Therinheit or Centigrade, I always get mixed up!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Thomas!
Thomas who?
Thomas happy fella!

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”

Operatic music like Rossini’s “Stabbat Matter”: Hi, you’ve reached Hell. (Screams in the background.) We’re busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we’ll get back to you at the end of time.

Father: How were the exam questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions didn’t give me any trouble, just the answers!

Where was the Magna Carta signed?
At the bottom!

What are you going to be when you get out of school?
An old man!

What did you learn in school today?
Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!

I’m learning ancient history?
So am I, lets go for a walk and talk over old times!

Harrisberger’s Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.

Hartley’s First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you’ve got something.

Hawaiian Rules Of J.W.: 1) Never judge a day by the weather. 2) The best things in life aren’t things. 3) Tell the truth; there’s less to remember. 4) Speak softly and wear a loud aloha shirt. 5) Goals are deceptive; the unaimed arrow never misses. 6) He who dies with the most toys, still dies. 7) Age is relative; when you’re over the hill, you pick up speed. There are two ways to be rich: make more or desire less. 9) Beauty is internal; looks mean nothing. 10) No rain, no rainbows.

Heller’s Law: The first myth of management is that it exists.

Hinds’ Law Of Computer Programming: 1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete. 2) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. 3) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. 4) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory. 5) The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output. 6) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it. 7) Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.

Hlade’s Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person; they will find an easier way to do it.

Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter’s Law into account.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Iran!
Iran who?
Iran over here to tell you this!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Irene!
Irene who?
Irene and Irene but still no one answers the door!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Iris!
Iris who?
Iris you were here!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Irma!
Irma who?
Irma big girl now!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Isaac!
Isaac who?
Isaac’ly who do think this is?