Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairmen.

Those who live closest arrive latest.

Those with the best advice offer no advice.

To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen.

To attract maximum attention, it’s hard to beat a good, big, dumb mistake.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

To err is human. To admit it is a blunder.

To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human.

To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.

To err is human. To forgive is simply not company policy.

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

St. Paul, MN

The hit movie “Home Alone” about a boy thwarting burglars with imaginative mayhem, wasn’t total fantasy. Just ask the guy who tried to break in while 13-year-old Ryan Hendrickson was home alone.

Ryan was watching television Wednesday night when he heard a noise that sounded like a window screen being cut.

“I ran to the closet and grabbed a bat,” Ryan said Thursday. “I went…into the dining room, where I saw him cutting the window with a knife. He put his left hand in first and I was waiting for his right hand to come in…and I took the baseball bat and I hit him as hard as I could.”

The man ran. Ryan called 911.

Police, while cautioning Ryan to call 911 first next time, did enjoy the fact that the kid got in the first lick against a bad guy.

Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.

Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
You may not fish on a camel’s back.

Boise
Residents may not fish from a giraffe’s back.

Pocatello
A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face.

A law passed in 1912 provided that “The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless some are exhibited to public view.”

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender asks the seal, “What’s your pleasure?”

The seal replies, “Anything but Canadian Club.”

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Giuseppe!
Giuseppe who!
Giuseppe my apology?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Gizaa!
Giza who!
Giza nice boy!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Gladys!
Gladys who!
Gladys it’s my last joke!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Gladys!
Gladys who!
Gladys the weekend, aren’t you!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Glasgow!
Glasgow who!
Glasgow to the movies!

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

These words are lovely dark and deep
But I’ve got promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep
So leave a message at the beep.