Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.
The first says, “I’m so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!”
The second says, “Well I’m so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!”
Then the third rat gets up and says, “Later guys, I’m off home to harass the cat.”
A witch joke
What’s yellow and very poisonous?
Witch infested custard!
A witch joke
Why did the witch buy two tickets to the zoo?
One to get in and one to get out!
A witch joke
What do you call a wich made of cotton and has lots of holes in her?
A string hag!
A witch joke
What happened to the naughtly little witch at school?
She was ex-spelled!
A witch joke
What should you do if you find a witch in your bed?
Run!
A witch joke
Where do witches keep their purses?
In hag bags!
A witch joke
What is the favorite subject of young witches at school?
Spelling!
There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, “Oh no. That couldn’t be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie.”
A werewolf joke
Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
The whatwolves and whenwolves!
A skeleton joke
What do you do if you see a skeleton running across a road?
Jump out of your skin and join him!
A vampire joke
If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do?
Join his fang club!
A skeleton joke
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones!
A vampire joke
What’s Dracula’s favourite soup?
Scream of tomato!
A ghost joke
Where do ghost trains stop?
At devil crossings!
A cannibal joke
How does a witch-doctor ask a girl to dance?
”Voodoo like to dance with me!
How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.
Did you hear about the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller ?
He wanted to grow mash potatoes!
What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
You take me for grunted.
Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow to pasture.
Q: Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He has got no beef.