What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead and I’ll hang around!
What did the picture say to the wall?
I’ve got you covered!
What is the best thing to take into the desert?
A thirst aid kit!
Who was the first underwater spy?
James Pond!
What is hairy and coughs?
A coconut with a cold!
What do you call a foreign body in a chip pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object!
Why did the lazy man want a job in a bakery?
So he could loaf around!
What do you get if you all sit under a cow?
A pat on the head!
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper!
What do you call a pig that took a plane?
Swine flu!
What kind of doctor treats ducks?
A quack!
What did the well mannered sheep say to his friend at the field gate?
Afer ewe!
Why did the ram fall over the cliff?
He didn’t see the ewe turn!
What do cows like to dance to?
Any kind of moosic you like!
Where do sheep get shorn?
At the baa baas!
What do you get if you cross a steer with a tadpole?
A bullfrog!
In Heaven:
The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.
In Hell:
The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.
In Computer Heaven:
The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.
In Computer Hell:
The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.
Q: Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees?
A: Because they kept droning on and on!
Q: What do you call a bee born in May?
A: A maybe!
Q: What kind of bee can’t be understood?
A: A mumble bee!
Q: Where do bees keep their money?
A: In a honey box!
Q: What TV station do bees watch?
A: Bee bee c one!
Q: What did the bee say to the naughty bee?
A: Bee-hive yourself!
Q: Why did the bees go on strike?
A: Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!
Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
A: Beacuse of the honey combs!
Q: What is black and yellow and buzzes along at 30,000 feet?
A: A bee is an aeroplane!
A wizard joke
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!
A wizard joke
What kinds of wizards have their eyes closest together?
The smallest ones!
A wizard joke
Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath!
A wizard joke
What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?
The police made him bring it back again!
A witch joke
Why do witches only ride their brooms after dark?
That’s the time to go to sweep!
A wizard joke
What happened when the wizard met the witch?
It was love at first fright!
A witch joke
When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
When your a mouse!
A wizard joke
How do you keep a wizard in suspense?
I’ll tell you tomorrow…!