Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).

Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it’s a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn’t ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer.

Some features I’d like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0:

1. A “Don’t remind me again” button.

2. Minimize button.

3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don’t lose cache and other objects).

I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0, but it didn’t have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory.

Another thing that sucks–in all versions of Girlfriend that I’ve used is that it is totally “object orientated” and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.

Bug warning
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

The following is supposedly a true story.

An economist was about to give a presentation in Washington, DC on the problems with Black-Scholes model of option pricing and was expecting no more than a dozen of government officials attending.

To his amazement, when he arrived, the room was packed with edgy, tough-looking guys in shades. Still, after five or so minutes into the presentation all of them stood up and left without a word.

The economist found out only later that his secretary ran the presentation through a spell-checker and what was “The Problem with Black-Scholes” became “The Problem with Black Schools”.

A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk “do you live here?” “Yep”. “Would you like me to help you upstairs?” “Yep”. When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked “Is this your floor?” “Yep”.

Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn’t want to face the man’s irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk “Do you live here?” “Yep”. “Would you like me to help you upstairs?” “Yep”. So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.

Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried “Please officer, protect me from this man.

He’s been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!”

Q: Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat?
A: Cats can’t drive!

Q: What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy road?
A: A mutt in a rut!

Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a blind mole?
A: A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree!

Q: What do you call a happy Lassie?
A: A jolly collie!

Q: What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?
A: A dingo-ling!

Q: What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A: A shampoodle!

Q: How do you catch a runaway dog?
A: Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!

Q: What dogs are best for sending telegrams?
A: Wire haired terriers!!

Q: What kind of dog does a vampire prefer?
A: Any kind of bloodhound!

Q: What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?
A: A bud hound!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cello!
Cello who?
Cello dere!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cereal!
Cereal who?
Cereal pleasure to meet you!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Chad!
Chad who?
Chad to make your acquaintance!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cheese!
Cheese who?
Cheese a cute girl!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cher!
Cher who?
Cher and share alike!