The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Bellevue, WA

On Saturday, police broke up a disturbance between a couple arguing over which one was drunker. Both were arrested and taken to Overlake Hospital for treatment of injuries to their heads.

The police are charging them with disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace, but not assault.

They each injured themselves and not the other.

It seems, according to police and witnesses, that the couple were taking turns bashing their heads into the drywall walls and the wooden door of their apartment in order to prove they were so drunk that they couldn’t feel the pain.

It was time for the final and the student depending upon getting at least one right answer on the chemistry test.

The question was “If h20 if water, what is h204?”

This was a quick question for most, but it took the student some thinking time.

Finally, he wrote down his answer: For drinking, washing, and cleaning.

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!”.

“Really?” he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?”

The clerk replies “Canned or frozen?”

Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. Very fast: Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP

Theorem: 4 = 5
Proof:
-20 = -20
16 - 36 = 25 - 45
4^2 - 9*4 = 5^2 - 9*5
4^2 - 9*4 + 81/4 = 5^2 - 9*5 + 81/4
(4 - 9/2)^2 = (5 - 9/2)^2
4 - 9/2 = 5 - 9/2
4 = 5

You might be a reneck if…

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling. You have ever used a lightsaber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.

You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac. You’ve ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid. A Wookie has ever told you that you need to shave. You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while trying to light a cigarette with your lightsaber.

Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos”.

Immunizations are worn fanny-packs, full of lizard’s feet, owl’s beaks and pig’s ears.

Double By-Pass Surgery is only done when it’s shown on The Learning Channel.

You have a choice of walkers, with or without a gun rack.

You share the Recovery Room with a sick cow.

The bill is figured either in dollars or chickens.

Hospital food consists of picking your own corn on the roof.

A ghost joke
This woman wanted to marry a ghost.
I don’t know what possessed her!

A witch joke
Have you heard about the good weather witch?
She’s forecasting sunny spells!

A cannibal joke
Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village?
Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!

A witch joke
How do witches tell the time?
By looking at their witch watches!

A vampire joke
What was the Californian vampire hippy like?
He was ghoul man, real ghoul!

A witch joke
What happens if you see twin witches?
You won’t be able to see which witch is witch!

A Halloween joke
Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween?
It was for “tick or tweet”!