A vampire joke
What did the vampire say after he had been to the dentist?
Fangs very much!

A vampire joke
What happened when the vampire went to the blood bank?
He asked to make a withdrawal!

A skeleton joke
What sort of soup do skeletons like?
One with plenty of body in it!

A werewolf joke
What happened to the werewlf who ate garlic?
His bark was worse than his bite!

A werewolf joke
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
I don’t know, but if it laughs I’ll join in!

A skeleton joke
What kind of plate does a skeleton eat off?
Bone china!

A skeleton joke
Which skeleton wears a kilt?
Boney Prince Charlie!

Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can’t come to the phone right now. He’s either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

Oliver’s Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Orben’s Packaging Discovery: For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of trash.

Osborn’s Law: Variables won’t, constants aren’t.

Ozman’s Laws: (1) If someone says he will do something “without fail,” he won’t. (2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make. (3) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t. (4) Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.

O’Reilly’s Law of the Kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible

O’Toole’s Commentary On Murphy’s Law: Murphy was an optimist.

Parkinson’s Laws: First Law - Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. Second Law - Expenditures rise to meet income. Fourth Law - The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done. Law of Committees - The amount of time spent by a committee on an agenda item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item. Fifth Law - If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it. Sixth Law - Action expands to fill the void created by human failure.

Arkansas: Literacy Ain’t Everything

Dumb Arkansas Laws
The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.

Arkansas must be pronounced “Arkansaw”

A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.

Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.

A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot.

Fayetteville
It is illegal to kill “any living creature”.

Little Rock

Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.

Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.

It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.

No person shall sound the horn on a vechicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M. -Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54

Q: Why do they say ‘Amen’ at the end of a prayer instead of ‘Awomen’?
A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!

Q: Why didn’t Noah go fishing?
A: He only had two worms!

Q: When was the longest day in the Bible?
A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.

Q: Why did God create man before woman?
A: He didn’t want any advice.

Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A: A roamin’ Catholic!

Doctor: ‘Your recovery was a miracle!’
Patient: ‘PRAISE GOD. Now I don’t have to pay you!’

Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A: Even then men wouldn’t ask for directions!

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.