Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Dumb Missouri Laws
It is not illegal to speed. (Repealed)
Buckner
In this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday.
Excelsior Springs
Hard objects may not be thrown by hand.
Worrying squirrels is not tolerated.
Kansas City
Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely.
Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.
Marceline
Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.
Marquette
It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).
Mole
Frightening a baby is in violation of the law.
Natchez
It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.
Purdy
Dancing is strictly prohibited.
St. Louis
It’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. This law refers back to the extinct Italian celebration, Hill Day, when beer was served in buckets.
A milk man may not run while on duty.
University City
Four women may not rent an apartment together.

The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. The young man replied, “I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have … a hutch back of Notre Dame.

Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Joey-Jim asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” he replied with relief. “I thought I’d gone deaf!”

Pat and Jimmy-Joe met and one said to the other,

“Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?”

Pat said, “Well, I have and I haven’t.”

His friend asked, “Shure, and what d’ye mean by that?”

Pat said, “It’s like this, y’see…I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another…it was neither of us.”

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tripoli!
Tripoli who?
Tripoli play!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tsongas!
Tsongas who?
Tsongas you’re here, lets tell some Knock Knock
jokes!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tuna!
Tuna who?
Tuna piano and it’ll sound better!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tunis!
Tunis who?
Tunis company, three’s a crowd!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Turin!
Turin who?
Turin to a vampire on Halloween!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hot Air!
Hot Air who?
Hot air pardner, how ya doin’?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
House!
House who?
House you doing!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
House boy!
House boy who?
Great, House boy you?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Howard!
Howard who?
Howard can it be to guess a Knock Knock
joke?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Howard!
Howard who?
Howard like to be outside for a change?

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn’t put it down?

What’s the formula for water? -H-two-O What’s the formula for an ice cube? -H-two-O-CUBED

Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2?A: Oxymoron

The best chemists would definitely not be pet owners.
Their idea of a catalyst:
2 bags of cat litter3 cans of cat food1 can of flea powder1 collar

Q: How do you get lean molecules?A:Feed them titrations.

Q: And why does a white bear melt in water?A: Because it’s polar.

Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory?His business went insolvent.

Q: What’s the most important thing to learn in chemistry?A: Never lick the spoon.