The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol.

1. It’s an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don’t care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. If something does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten.

The Top 10 Signs You’re Flying On A Bad Airline

The engine’s being held on by duct tape.

You see the Gorilla from those old Samsonite commercials running loose up and down the aisles.

In-flight movie has “Ernest” in its title.

Pilot informs you that you’re at cruising altitude and he’s gonna put the top down.

Instead of Peanuts, you get a healthy helping of SPAM.

As you’re taking off, the stewardess mentions the phrase “Guest Pilot Program”

The seats are wet due to flotation device moisture.

The stewardess asks you to join the Mile High Club…”she” has a beard and bigger arms than you!

Pilot asks if there is anyone else who wants a shot of Beam before he finishes the bottle.

You look down and see a copy of “Fixing a Plane for Dummies” by the mechanic’s feet!!!

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3′4″, dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.

The voice of the Devil was heard, “Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!” And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.

This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7′ tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.

The voice of the Devil was heard, “Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!” And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.

Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of … Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:

“Cindy, you have sinned.”

Have you heard about the elephant that went on a crash diet?
He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire engines!

Why do elephants eat raw food?
Because they don’t know how to cook!

Why did the elephant eat the candle?
For light refreshment!

How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert?
You get very lumpy ice cream!

What kind of elephants live in Antartica?
Cold ones!

How do you fit five elephants into a car?
Two in the front, two in the back and the other in the glove compartment!

How does an elephant get out of a small car?
The same way that he got in!

Why do elephants have trunks?
Because they would look silly carrying suitcases!

Cropp’s Law: The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

Bo Diddeley’s Observation On The Law: Always take a lawyer with you, and bring another lawyer to watch him.

Bolub’s Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.

Deadline-Dan’s Demo Demonstration: The higher the “higher-ups” are who’ve come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.

Demian’s Observation: There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read “Abandon hope all ye who enter here”.

DeVries’s Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don’t want hits the paper.

Dr. Caligari’s Comeback: A bad sector disk error occurs only after you’ve done several hours of work without performing a backup.

The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers.

“I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle,” he explained. “Now begin!”

After a few minutes, one of the men stopped.

“Why did you stop. Smith?” demanded the officer.

“If you please, sir,” said Smith, “I’m freewheeling for a while.”

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.”

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.”

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, “I vould like some plasma.”

The waitress looks up and says, “Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?”