Doctor, Doctor I

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: “Get a `long` little doggie!”

Sign in a cafeteria: “Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want.”

Sign on a music library’s door: “Bach in a minuet.”

Sign in a restaurant window: “T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12″

A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: “Today’s special. Below it says: So’s tomorrow.”

Sign on restaurant window: “Great food (50,000 flies can’t be wrong).”

Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

Sign in a Maine restaurant: “Open 7 days a week and weekends.”

Sign in school: “In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling concerning prayer in this building will be temporarily suspended.”

About 85% of women are responsible for cooking the family dinner, and 84% wish they didn’t have to.

You might be a reneck if…

You’ve ever been stuck in your own driveway.

You refer to your dog as the dishwasher.

Your car is made out of 17 others and each part is a different color.

You repair your car in the autoparts store parking lot.

You can name all the characters from the “Dukes of Hazzard”.

You recite lines from “The Dukes of Hazzard”.

You keep track of all the belt holders in all the wrestling leagues.

You got married in the family car, in a drive-thru chapel.

You search your computer monitor for the dial that changes channels.

Your idea of a fancy dessert is “moon pie ala mode”.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Valencia!
Valencia who?
Valenicia dollar, will you pay it back?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Value!
Value who?
Value be my Valentine?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Vanessa!
Vanessa who?
Vanessa bus be along in a minute!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Vanessa!
Vanessa who?
Vanessa going to grow up?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Vanilla!
Vanilla who?
Vanilla call the doctor?