With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people
are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an
answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.

1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.

4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.

Maybe Windows really is a virus.

Nope! There is a difference!

Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So there! Windows is not a virus.

After many years of hard work, Joe rewarded himself with a long, luxurious stay at an exclusive Carribean resort. While relaxing on the beach, he was surprised to see a former high school classmate who he hadn’t seen since they graduated. His old friend had been something of a “burnout” in high school, and this was the last place Joe expected to see him.

Joe approached the man, and seized his hand. “Pete, it’s Joe. From high school. It’s sure been a long time. You look great! You must really be doing okay for yourself.”

“I am,” whispered Pete. “I am a partner with a very successful law firm. But don’t tell mother. She got the idea that I was a drug dealer back when I was in high school, and she would be terribly disappointed if she figured out how I really make my money.”

“Under the Boardwalk”:

Oh, when you call our room,

and all you get is a machine,

and then you get so upset,

you feel as if you want to scream.

Please leave a message

after the be-ep.

And John or Tom will get back you,

as soon as they can.

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.

4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.

5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.

6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

7. Users find 137 new bugs.

8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.

9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.

11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.

12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.

13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

Q: What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
A: A bird who knocks before delivering its message!

Q: What do you call a very rude bird?
A: A mockingbird!

Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafe!

Q: How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
A: With it’s sparrowchute!

Q: What is green and pecks on trees?
A: Woody Wood Pickle!

Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?
A: He didn’t give a hoot!

Q: What do you call a Scottish parrot?
A: A Macaw!

Q: What do you call a bird that lives underground?
A: A mynah bird!

Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A: A great walkie-talkie!

A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law’s death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt.

He replies, “Don’t take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes.”

A witch joke
What kind of tests do they give in witch school?
Hex-aminations!

A witch joke
What do you call a witch that stays out all night?
A fresh air freak!

A witch joke
What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch?
A bird that’s ugly but doesn’t give a hoot!

A witch joke
What goes cackle, cackle, boom?
A witch in a minefield!

A witch joke
What is the difference between a musician and a dead witch?
One composes and the other decomposes!

A witch joke
Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist?
Because she thought everybody loved her!

A witch joke
What usually runs in witches’ families?
Noses!

8. Kid’s letter to north pole comes back stamped, “Dream on, Chester!”

7. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes

6. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling.

5. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing.

4. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.

3. Instead of “Naughty” or “Nice”, Santa has him on the stupid list

2. Labels on all your kid’s toys read “Straight from Craptown.”

1. Four words: “Off my lap, Tubby!”

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

The “Environmental Engineering News” published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries.

In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, “He’s drunk and in jail.”

In Malaysia the driver is jailed and, if married, the spouse is jailed.

In the United Kingdom, Finland and Sweden there’s an automatic jail term of one year.

In Turkey, drunk drivers are driven twenty miles out of town and forced to walk back ten miles.

In Bulgaria, a second drunk-driving conviction results in capital punishment.

In El Salvador, your first offense is your last — execution by firing squad.

From the August Road & Track.