Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don’t worry, there are three left.

However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York. A little later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New York.

Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third engine had died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane could fly on a single engine.

However, it would now take 18 hours to get to new York. At this point, one statistician turned to the other and said, “Gee, I hope we don’t lose that last engine, or we’ll be up here forever!”

For every problem, there is a neat, plain solution…and it is always wrong.

For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.

Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.

Free advice costs nothing until you act upon it.

Free time which unexpectedly becomes available will be wasted.

Freud’s 23rd law: ideas endure and prosper in inverse proportion to their soundness and validity.

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Frustration is not having anyone to blame but yourself.

Genius is 1% inspiration, and 99% perspiration.

Geologists do not dress for success unless they are trying to convince others that they are going on interviews.

Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.

It is illegal to tickle women.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited. (Repealed)

You may not work on Sunday. (Repealed)

Citizens must honk their horn while passing other cars.

It is illegal to spit on sidewalk.

There is a state law prohibiting “corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates.”

Police radar detectors are illegal.

It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on Sundays. (Repealed)

You cannot sell lettuce on Sunday, but you can sell beer, wine etc. (Repealed)

You cannot buy hardware of any kind on Sunday. (Passed in 1975, repealed in 1977)

Culpeper
No one may wash a mule on the sidewalk.

Dayton
A person of color may not be oustide or within the city limits after 7 pm.

Lebanon
It is illegal to kick your wife out of bed.

Norfolk
Women must wear a corsette after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone.

A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere.

Spitting on a sea gull is not tolerated.

Richmond
It is illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for a coffee.

Stafford County
It is legal for a man to beat his wife on the courthouse steps so long as it is before 8:00 pm.

Victoria
It is illegal to skate down the sidewalk of Main Street.

Virginia Beach
It is also unlawful to drive by the same place within 30 minutes on Atlantic Avenue.

If you are drunk and not driving your car, and the person who is driving the car is drunk as well, you may both receive DUI’s.

It is illegal to use profanity on Atlantic Avenue or the boardwalk.

It is illegal for a person to ride on the handlebars of a bike.

Waynesboro
It is illegal for a woman to drive a car up Main Street unless her husband is walking in front of the car waving a red flag.

A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, “I love my BMW, I love my BMW.” Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. “My BMW! My BMW!” he sobbed.

A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, “Sir, sir, you’re bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!”

The lawyer, horrified, screamed “My Rolex! My Rolex!”

(Strong east Indian accent:) Hello, you have reached the existential hotline of Ransheesh. I am currently meditating, but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send good karma waves and contact you when the stars align properly.