Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.

Some see things as they are and ask ‘why?’; I dream of things that never were and ask ‘why not?’” - George Bernard Shaw

Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

Sometimes I think we are alone in the universe. Sometimes I think we are not. In either case, the thought is quite staggering.

Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

Sometimes you’re the bird, and sometimes you’re the windshield.

Speak softly and own a big, mean doberman.

Stay in with the outs.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.

Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. “So, how did you do son?” he asked.

“You’ll never believe it!” Billy said. “I was responsible for the winning run!”

“Really? How’d you do that?”

“I dropped the ball.”

The English language is not to be spoken.

You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.

You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of “eavesdropping” on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.

Chicago
It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.

In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.

Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.

Kites may not be flown within the city limits.

It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck.

Spitting is forbidden

It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.

Champaign
One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth.

Cicero
Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.

Crete
Cars may not be driven through the town.

Des Plaines
Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.

Eureka
A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.

Evanston
It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.

Bowling is forbidden.

It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.

Fairfield
It is unlawful for “negroes” to be within county boundries from sundown to sunrise.

Freeport
It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.

Galesburg
There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.

Homer
It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.

Joliet
Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town’s name mispronounced ‘Jolly-ETTE’ when all local folk know it’s pronounced ‘Joe-lee-ETTE’, made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.

Kenilworth
A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow. Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence.

Kirkland
Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kriland’s streets.

Moline
Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited.

There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.

Morton Grove
You may not own a handgun

Normal
It is against the law to make faces at dogs.

Orland Prak
No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.

Ottawa
Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.

Park Ridge
Trucks may only park inside closed garages.

Peoria
Basketball hoops may not be instaled on a driveway.

Zion
It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals.

This simple three question test illustrates how often Bill Clinton must be telling lies.

1. Is the Pope catholic?
2. Does Windows have bugs?
3. Does Clinton lie?