Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, “I hear sirens. Jump!”

The second one said, “But we’re on the 13th floor!”

The first one screamed back, “This is no time to be superstitious.”

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she’d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

Yo mama so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!

Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!

Yo mama so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her

The Captain called the Sergeant in. “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones’ mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.”

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. “Listen up, men,” says the Sergeant. “Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander.”

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. “Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn’t you be a bit more tactful, next time?”

“Yes, sir,” answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath’s mother died. You’d better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful.”

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. “Ok, men, fall in and listen up.” “Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward.” “Not so fast, McGrath!”

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Colin!
Colin who?
Colin the doctor, I feel ill!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Collier!
Collier who?
Collier big brother see if I care!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cologne!
Cologne who?
Cologne me names won’t help!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Coolidge!
Coolidge who?
Coolidge a cucumber!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Conga!
Conga who?
Conga go on meeting like this!

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said “concentrate” on it.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don’t know the route.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Euripedes!
Euripedes who?
Euripedes clothes and I’ll sue you!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Europe!
Europe who?
Europe’ning the door too slow, come on!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Europe!
Europe who?
Europe to no good!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Eustace!
Eustace who?
Come Eustace you are!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Eva!
Eva who?
Eva you’re deaf or your doorbell isn’t working!