The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.
Didn’t realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:
“Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad.”
What kinds of tests do they give witches?
Hex-aminations!
Father: What did the teacher think of your idea?
Son: She took it like a lamb
Teacher: Really?, what did she say?
Son: Baa!
What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
Dates!
What do they talk about?
The good old days!
Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?
Pupil: Dead?, I didn’t even know he was sick!
Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince?
Old King Coal!
Q: How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one, but he’ll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration.
“A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.”
Isaac Asimov said that if you want to find a chemist, ask him/her to discuss the following words: 1) mole 2) unionized. As he so eloquently put it, “If he starts talking about furry animals and organized labor, keep walking.”
Make it myself? But I’m a physical organic chemist!
Definition: (Fe)male: Male with iron added, for greater strength, ductility, and magnetisim.
Acid is base.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They’re cheaper than day rates.
“Scale keeps forming inside the kettle”, complained Tom, recalcitrantly.
This is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby surgery of one of Dublin’s most fashionable and respected doctors. The doctor decided to take a cardiograph and, somewhat nervous of his patient, thought to humor him. He explained the workings of the cardiograph needle as it registered the faint heartbeats of the very sick and semiconscious Brendan.
“That needle there is writing down your pulses, Mr. Behan, and I suppose, in its own way, it is probably the most important thing you have ever written.”
To which Behan replied: “Aye, and it’s straight from me heart, too.”
Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other.
“It’s windy,” said one.
“No, it’s Thursday,” said the next.
“So am I,” said the third. “Let’s go and have a drink!”
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: No? Good!
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?
A: The bucket.
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetary.
(Bad imitations:)
Picard: Assume standard orbit, Mr. LaForge. Sensor readings, Lieutenant?
Worf: Scanning, Captain… Strange… No life-forms.
Picard: Recommendations, Mr. Data?
Data: Intriguing, Captain. Perhaps we should simply leave a message.