A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her.

“How can I get to the other side of the river?” she shouts loudly.

The other blonde replied “What for? You are already on the other side of the river!”

You might be a reneck if…

Duct tape and wire are the only two things holding your truck together.

Your bumper sticker reads “If you’re missing your cat, look in my treads. ”

You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.

You’ve ever parked your date next to a YIELD sign hoping she’d take the hint.

Your kids learned to shoot before they learned to walk.

You place a classified asking less than $1.

You think the freeway is the back door of the movie theater.

Higher math means counting over 10.

The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.

You have a lucky rabbit’s foot in your pocket and a lucky rabbit nailed above your fireplace.

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses… one for each year of her life.

That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.

As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.

The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

You might be a redneck if…

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart ’cause there’s a law against it.

You dated one of your parents’ current spouses in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

Your screen door has no screen.

I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub.

I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there.

Don’t get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit.

This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man.

Look, don’t go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you’ve got a palm.

Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT!

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone.

Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you?

I’d like to break the monotony; where’s your weakest point?

The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?

I hear you are an officer. Your rank is — just plain rank!

You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter.

You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change.

Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic.

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters

Women’s Movement Called More Broad-Based

Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Fund Set Up for Beating Victim’s Kin