After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I’ll get back to you as soon as it’s safe for you to come out of hiding.

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?

George: Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can’t these guys play at night?

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wisconsin: Eat Cheese or Die or Come Cut Our Cheese

Wisconsin: Land of funny accents.

Dumb Wisconsin Laws
You must manually flush all urinals in a building.
Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.
Citizens may not murder their enemies.
Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has.
As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned.
At one time, margarine was illegal.
State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese.
While all cheese making requires a license, Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker’s license.
It is illegal to kiss on a train.
It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair.
Car dealerships cannot sell cars on Sunday.
Kenosha
No male is allowed to be in a state of arousal in public.
La Crosse
It is illegal to tie up your horse along Third Street (Now a major bar strip).
It is illegal to display an unclothed mannequin in a store window.
It is illegal to play checkers in public.
You cannot “worry a squirrel.”
Milwaukee
An old ordinance forbids parking for over two hours unless a horse is tied to the car.
It is against the law to play a flute and drums on the streets to attract attention.
If one is thought of as offensive looking, it is illegal for him to be in public during the day.
It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns.
Racine
It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.
Women may not walk down a public street at night without being accompanied by a man.
St. Croix
Women are not allowed to wear anything red in public.

10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.

9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

6. You can focus better with one eye closed.

5. You fall off the floor.

5. The whole bar greets you when you come in.

4. You haven’t had a driver’s license in such a long time that you have forgotten what one looks like.

3. Roseanne looks good.

2. You don’t recognize your wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass.

1. You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”

Answer… “They’re Carol’s.”