Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!

Doctor: Don’t panic. He’ll be alright.

Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!

Q: What do parrots eat?
A: Polyfilla!

Q: What do you give a sick bird?
A: Tweetment!

Q: What bird tastes just like butter?
A: A stork!

Q: What’s another name for a clever duck?
A: A wise quacker!

Q: Which bird is always out of breath?
A: A puffin!

Q: What’s got six legs and can fly long distances?
A: Three swallows!

Q: What is a duck’s favorite TV show?
A: The feather forecast!

Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: A bird that will talk you ear off!

Q: What do you call a crate of ducks?
A: A box of quackers!

Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented them and gave them to the Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven’t seen the joke yet.

“You are a cheat!” shouted the attorney to his opponent.

“And you’re a liar!” bellowed the opposition.

Banging his gavel loudly, the judge interjected, “Now that both attorneys have been identified for the record, let’s get on with the case.”

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

The following appeared on the back page of one of Australia’s more outrageous computer publications, “Computing Australia”, 21st Sept 1987: … Blame it on the computer.

An unfriendly computer has been held responsible for a “potentially lethal error” involving a Mafia loan collector.

A New York paper inadvertently put the `heavy’ in the running for a pair of custom-fitted concrete shoes when it identified him as a “ruthless informer”.

According to a published retraction (and apology!), a writer on the paper had actually typed “ruthless enforcer” - but the computer system’s spelling checker liked it the other way.

And I thought the worst you could expect from a “computer error” was a bill for a million dollars!

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Funny video of a bunch of kids who sneak past a police line and break into their own house…