An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn’t find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.

Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, “Hey you, what are you doing?”

“I have to throw this away,” replied the tourist.

“You can’t throw it away here. Look, follow me,” the policeman offered.

The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. “Here,” said the cop, “dump all the garbage you want.”

The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.

“Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?” asked the tourist.

“No. This is the American Embassy.”

OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties

OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance

OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted

OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part

OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted

OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history

OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver

OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures

OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate

OLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to another world

OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay

OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest

OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan

OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty

OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just run their last lap

9. E-mail flames from some guy named “Fluffy.”

8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.

7. You find you’ve been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip.

6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it… and a strange aroma of tuna.

5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of “CyberDog.”

4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.

3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.

2. On IRC you’re known as the IronMouser.

and the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password…

1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.

A ghost joke
How did the ghost song and dance act make a living?
By appearing in television spooktaculars!

A ghost joke
What is a drunkards last drink?
His bier!

A cannibal joke
What did a cannibal’s parents say when she brought her boyfriend home?
”Lovely, dear, he looks good enough to eat!

A cannibal joke
What happened to the cannibal lion?
He had to swallow his pride!

A ghost joke
What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
A boo-loney sandwich!

A cannibal joke
What is a cannibal’s favourite food?
Baked beings!
!

A cannibal joke
What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Vitamin bills!

What is posthumous work?
Something written by someone after they are dead!

What is the most slippery country in the world?
Greece!

What is the strongest bird?
A crane!

What is the smelliest city in America?
Phew York!

What did the fireman’s wife get for Christmas?
A ladder in her stocking!

Who was the best actor in the bible?
Samson, he brought the house down!

What cake wanted to rule the world?
Atilla the Bun!