“Muppet Show” theme:

It’s time to leave a message

After you hear the tone,

It’s time to leave a message

‘Cause we’re not at home tonight…

It’s time to leave a message

On Kate and Shannon’s phone,

It’s time to leave a message

‘Cause we’re not at home tonight.

Just leave your name and number,

Such simple things to do,

And then when we get home we will

Get right back to you.

It’s time to leave a message

After you hear the tone.

It’s time to leave a message

‘Cause we’re not at home tonight.

Gone to get a bite,

Stayin’ out all night,

Yes we have a life!

Leave a message, we’re not home toniiiiight…

How do you know if you have a tough mosquito?
You slap him and he slaps you back!

What is the most religious insect?
A mosque-ito!

What has 6 legs, bits and talks in code?
A morese-quito!

What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
Try sewing buttons on a mosquito!

What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger with an insect?
The Masked-quito!

What has antlers and sucks blood?
A moose-quito!

What is a mosquito’s favorite sport?
Skin-diving!

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito?
A mosquito drops off you when you die!

Why are mosquitos religious?
They prey on you!

Why did the mosquito go to the dentist?
To improve his bite!

10. New seats would require everyone to have the same body size.

9. We’d all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.

8. The U.S. government would get subsidies from an automaker–a first.

7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced by a single “General Car Fault” warning light.

6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as reliable, five times as fast, but ran on only 5% of the roads.

5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.

4. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought Car 95 or CarNT - but then you would have to buy more seats.

3. Occasionally your car would die for no apparent reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would just accept this as normal.

2. Every time the lines on the road were repainted, you’d have to buy a new car.

1. People would get excited about the new features of Microsoft cars, forgetting that the same features had been available from other carmakers for years.

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move.

Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

“Well… Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo-of handcuffs.