These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : ” DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS ”

At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: “Belt your family. It’s the law.”

Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: “Broken English spoken perfectly”

At an Applebee’s restaraunt: “NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!”

Fitness Center sign: “Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts.”

In restaurant: “Open seven days a week and weekends.”

On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: “Rome wasn’t built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor.”

A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: “A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS”

A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: “Caution: Nuts crossing road.”

You might be a reneck if…

You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator.

Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust.

The fire department leaves after discovering that the fire that destroyed y.

You think its okay to have your 6 year old babysit your 5, 4, and 3 year o.

Your dog’s shots are up to date but your children’s aren’t.

You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.

Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.

You consider your annual bath one too many.

You wore a baseball cap to the opera.

If you are 20 and you can still go in McDonald’s playhouse.

If you think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: “Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?” To which the farmer replied: “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”

Steve is reassembling Elvis’ brain and can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name…

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A Halloween joke
What happened to the girl who wore a mouse costume to her Halloween party?
The cat are her!

A ghost joke
How do ghosts keep fit?
By regular exorcise!

A cannibal joke
What did the cannibal make of her new friend?
A hotpot!

A ghost joke
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!

A cannibal joke
Why did the cannibal have a hangover?
He went to a party and got stewed!

A ghost joke
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin!

A vampire joke
Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food?
He wanted something to get his teeth into!