Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Dill!
Dill who?
Dill we meet again!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Dimension!
Dimension who?
Dimension it!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Dimitri!
Dimitri who?
Dimitri is where the burgers grow!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Dinah!
Dinah who?
Dinah shoot until you see the whites of their eyes!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Dino!
Dino who?
Dino the answer!

Bob here. I’m home right now, I’m just screening my calls. So start talking and if you’re someone I want to speak with I’ll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?

“If I Only Had A Brain”:

I might be in the shower,

I might be gone for hours,

I can’t come to the phone.

So, please leave your name and number,

If I miss you it’d be a bummer,

Leave your message at the tone…

(Loud music, John shouting:) HI, THIS IS JOHN, LET ME TURN DOWN THE MUSIC. (Loud footsteps, music turned down, a door slams.) Hi, this is the answering machine at John’s home, he just rushed out the door, so please leave a message at the beep…

`You seem to be in some distress,’ said the kindly judge to the witness. `Is anything the matter?’

`Well, your Honour,’ said the witness, `I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.’

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. “What, no drink for me?” replies the bartender. “Oh, no. You get violent when you drink.”

Q: What is a ghost’s favourite day of the week?
A: Frightday!

Q: Where do Chinese vampires come from?
A: Fanghai!

Q: Why did the skeleton pupil stay late at school?
A: He was boning up for his exams!

Q: How do you join the Dracula fan club?
A: Send your name, address and blood group!

Q: What do you call a stupid skeleton?
A: Bonehead!

Q: What does the postman deliver to vampires?
A: Fang mail!

Q: What happened to the skeleton who stayed by the fire too long?
A: He became bone dry!