Seen on the back of a van in Rochester, New York:

Caution: Blind Man Driving

On the side of the van (after passing it to see who might be driving):

Rochester Venetian Blind Co.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cello!
Cello who?
Cello dere!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cereal!
Cereal who?
Cereal pleasure to meet you!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Chad!
Chad who?
Chad to make your acquaintance!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cheese!
Cheese who?
Cheese a cute girl!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cher!
Cher who?
Cher and share alike!

Little Willie asked his mother: “Mamma, don’t soldiers ever go to heaven?”

“Of course they do!” protested his mother. “What makes you ask?”

“There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards.”

“Oh, that’s because most men who go to Heaven get there by a close shave.”

The Top Signs You’re In A Bad Nursing Home

Its named Heaven’s Waiting Room.

Cheap TV antenna can’t pick up Xena: Warrior Princess.

Defibrilator doubles as a remote control.

Its named Matlock Manor.

No furniture in it outside of beds and lots of caskets.

Radio stations alternate between Glenn Miller and broadcasting Last Rites in every language known to man.

You can’t ring a nurse but you can page the attorney’s office down the hall.

Rectal thermometers made of wood.

Two words: Community Bedpan.

In a small southern town there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me.

The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!” I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise man came from afar.’”