A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a big note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde.”

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

1. If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen, you might be a college student.

2. If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match.

3. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal.

4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.

5. If you have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles.

6. If you have ever seen two consectutive sunrises without sleeping.

7. If your glass set is composed of McDonald’s Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups (ie.Olympic Dream Team I or II).

8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads.

9. If you cannot remember when you last washed your car.

10. If you can pack your worldly possesions into the back of a pick-up (one trip).

11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light.

12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce yourself.

13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night.

14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t

15. If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week

16. If you eat at the cafeteria because it’s “free”, even though it tastes terrible.

17. If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy

18. If you wake up 10 minutes before class

19. If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row — without washing them

20. If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class

21. If your social life consists of a date with the library

22. If your idea of “doing your hair” is putting on a baseball cap

23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room

24. If you carry less than a dollar on you at all times because that’s all you have

25. If you haven’t done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class

26. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn

27. If you celebrate when you find a quarter

28. If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over

29. If your walls are plastered with posters of half naked men or women (whichever your preference)

30. If you have built up a tolerence for beverages (he he he)

31. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself

32. If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis

33. If you get more sleep in class than in your room

34. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles

35. If you can sleep through your roommate’s blaring stereo

36. If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes

37. If you get more e-mail than mail.

Yo. I ain’t here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I’ll get back… (Sniff, sniff…) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells good.

You might be a reneck if…

Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over t’ the dark side.. .it’ll be a hoot.”

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light.

The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can’t find it.

You have a stuffed womp rat anywhere in your home. You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag. More than half the droids you own don’t function. The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q. You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married. You used a carbon-freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth.

Your moonshine is made on a real moon.

You don’t like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.

Sandpeople back down from your mama.

You’ve ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI.

You’ve ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Vic!
Vic who?
Vic a card, any card!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Viola!
Viola who?
Viola sudden don’t you know me?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Violet!
Violet who?
Violet the cat out of the bag!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Virtue!
Virtue who?
Virtue get those big blue eyes!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Viscount!
Viscount who?
Viscount you behave!