Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
A: He felt funny!

Q: What’s striped and bouncy?
A: A tiger on a pogo stick!

Q: What is the cat’s favorite TV show?
A: The evening mews!

Q: How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?
A: Smack a lion!

Q: What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
A: Hailing taxi cabs!

Q: How is cat food sold?
A: Usually purr can!

Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
A: A tiger moth!

Q: What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
A: ‘Let us prey.’

A 90’s comedy hit. Rajinikanth is hilarious throughout this film and Amala is smoking HOT. Has some very nice songs. Music scored by Ilaiyaraja.

I apologise if I had to split some of the songs into 2 clips.

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.

He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”

The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”

“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.” “I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”

“Well, then we need a urine sample.”

“I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”

“Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”

“I can’t do that, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m too drunk to do that!”

hilarious!

A little Infomercial made using MS Paint and Windows Movie Maker. Enjoy, criticize, w/e

There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide. The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole. This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn’t measure the poles while they were laying on the ground? The Aggies replied, “we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long”.

This is basically an apology for being late with a demo for SAGE.

AND DONT TELL ME TO FIX WHAT HAPPENS AT 2:58. ITS HILARIOUS AND IT DESERVES A PLACE IN THIS GAME

The Top 10 Signs That Its Time To Do The Laundry

You’re wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.

You’ve worn your sheets to school because you can’t get them off of you.

Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk.

Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie “Outbreak” to avoid catching the Ebola virus.

The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.

The DEA’s drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet.

Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek.

The phrase “Wash Me” is visibly written in your jeans.

Your red T-shirt is now green.

The boss pulls you aside to remind you that your company’s casual days does not include your college graduation gown and scuba diving fins.

A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, “I’ll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye.” The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.

He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can’t possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.

I held a house party for my 19th birthday. Thanks to all who came.

Beastie Boys - Brass Monkey